Log in

No account? Create an account
RadLoveXCore [entries|friends|calendar]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[29 Aug 2006|01:14pm]

im bringing this community back. its cool!!

we are masters of our fate, not victims [09 May 2005|03:10pm]

[ mood | pleased ]

Okay i know i haven't posted in forever, so i'll do it since the mods are begging. but i'm only gonna keep posting if i can get some critism, k? here's a freebie.


burning white,
a light brown arm
small, thin
like paper
like a razor blade
but remaining
to remind
to torture
to show
how many people
never noticed
never cared
even after
the skin
is smooth
they turn away
they don’t want
to face

4 Bared their Soul | LoveXcore

[19 Apr 2005|05:07pm]

Chapter 4: Craig Stancevich

5 A.M. is way too early to face the day. I heaved myself out of bed and looked at myself in the mirror. Certainly very well built, but I see room for improvement. Spending my life on a surfboard will do that. Anyway; I wonder why the nexus of human thought is the bathroom. As steaming hot water ran down my body, I couldn't help but think about Christine. I'm hurting this girl and she doesn't even know it. I don't know why I'm cheating on her... this water won't wash away my sins.

Christine's car is roaring in my driveway... time to be going. Charging out the door while still struggling to put on a shirt is no fun.
"Can't you just leave it off.... you look better that way anyway," Christine complained through her window. I couldn't think of a decent reply. Every time my mouth opened, I couldn't make a sound. What the hell am I thinking? Pulling into the school parking lot we passed a group of girls.
"Fucking whores," Christine whispered, almost completely imperceptibly under her breath. For a moment my eyes caught those of the girl I had betrayed Christine for, Molly Hendricks.

Exiting the car, I walked to Christine's door, opening it for her. She looked me deeply in the eyes and kissed me so passionately. I felt so sick with myself, but I realised that I could never tell her. What the hell have I done? Once I had gotten Christine out of my head, the day sped quickly.

Math class was last period of the day. Christine's little brother has the same class. Matt's a good kid, but he worries me a little bit. Something about him... I don't know. Walking into the classroom, I saw Matt pushing his hair out of his eyes. The dark blonde locks came to his upper lip, if he wanted it to; but it was usually held back by a hat of some sort.
"Hi Craig," he said; not even looking at me. That was always spooky. Matt seems to be able to sense people, and that's always bothering.
"Hey there little Chitteden." He despised the name, giving me that death-like glare. I'd swear, he could eat a hole through lead with that look.

Class lagged onward without much development. Actually, I wouldn't know, most of the time ends up being discussion with Matt.
"I just don't see the big deal, Matt, he was over the line and you know it."
"I still think he got cheated, the refs were bullshit... hold up... I need to go to the bathroom."

Matt strode out of class, gently excusing himself from the teacher. I looked down quickly... one of Matt's journals were on the floor, splayed open, cover down. HE's always so secretive about those blasted journals; maybe if I read just one page. Picking the book up, I briefly scanned the page... I never would have thought that Matt was gay.


The hallway was quiet and empty. I like that... no over-zealous deans trying to fill a detention quota. Why does this bathroom always reek? Just the most foul human smell. I think I agree with Nietzsche... we're a disease.

After a painfully, and unearthy long piss, I headed back to class. The bell was getting ready to ring, and everyone nervously stared at the clock. Silent screams of "come on" filled the room.

Finally, sweet release with just a bell's ring. Springing from my chair, my movement suddenly was arrested.
"Matt, let's talk... outside."
"Shit, what's going on?"
"Craig, what the hell are you talking about?" trying to keep my calm.
"YOU'RE A FUCKIN' FAGGOT!" he screamed even louder.
Oh shit, my mind raced... what do I do? This can't be good.
"If you tell anyone, so help me, I'll--"
Craig interrupted, "--You'll do what?"
Ok, time to improvise... think fast Chitteden. Then it came to me:
"Craig, if you tell anyone, I'll tell Christine that you're cheating on her."

Ok, so as far as I knew, that was a lie, but judging by the look on his face, I'd discovered something very, very true.
"Faggot, I should deck your ass right here and now."
"You won't... I know you won't."
This bluffing game was getting far too dangerous... time to get out.
"Look, Craig, I need to go... just remember: I know everything."

Who knew that the bluff of the MILLENIA payed off, but I was more pissed off that Craig was just a turn-coat fuck. Who can call themselves a good person if they'd dump a friend just because of sexual preference. I still don't think I'll ever quite believe how lucky I'd just gotten. I should probably tell Zach... it's just a matter of time now... the clock is ticking.


Chapter 6 is from Christine Chitteden, which picks up directly after Chapter 5.

In a side note: I know you're talking shit about me. Kindly stop.

3 Bared their Soul | LoveXcore

[12 Apr 2005|09:37pm]

MORE!!!!!!!! Finally we get to hear from Zach... not a lot, but this is the end of the exposition... rising action to come.

Chapter 3: Zach Allisein

The ball just floated into the net. My ears rang as the announcer screamed "GOAL" for what seemed like 3 minutes, just as the game finished. A glorious game of soccer had just been played, and I'd won the winning goal. Everyone rushed onto the field. After that was a blur. It seems that in the middle of the a celebration, F. Scott Fitzgerald is right; you can only get caught up in the heat and the sweat and the life.

As the croud cleared, I went to the locker room, just waiting for a nice shower. Matt has been staying out of the locker rooms lately. He seems self conscious about a lot lately. I think I know why, though. I overheard some girls giggling about him being a "pencil-armed dork". Poor kid. I hope he doesn't take it too hard. I couldn't help but think about it for the rest of the day. I care about Matt.... he shouldn't have to worry about stupid things people say.

The locker room door practically opened itself, quickly allowing the acrid smell of sweat and overcoming humidity to wash over me. You know, a locker room is a strange thing. A bunch of guys naked in the same room who are "so straight" that they would "never look at another dude" when everyone knows they're looking "just to compare"... sure. No one is straight, its all just a matter of how gay you are. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

I'm doing ok, I guess... I'm just trying to figure it all out, you know? What I have figured out is societal. I've pretty much dropped my father's Arabic culture, and embraced my mother's Anglo-Hispanic way. There's still one thing I haven't figured out about myself though... and it involves Matt Chitteden...


Have a nice day.

2 Bared their Soul | LoveXcore

[08 Apr 2005|09:04pm]

Ok, so I hope Chapter 2 isn't too much of a disappointment. I didn't like it, but we'll just have to see. You'll also have to forgive the bad formatting... it always does that.

Chapter 2: Christine Chitteden

Dear God, my brother is such a fricken dweeb. 16 years old, never had a girlfriend, (not that he couldn't if he tried), and... ugh, he just has some annoying quality. Sometimes I feel sorry for him though... just never got a fair shake in his life. Mom has a saying: It'll be worse in hell. Maybe this is hell; I know Matt would agree with me...oh well.
My boyfriend has been way too distant lately. I'm starting to worry, and I think about why he's so strange toward me. Craig is a great guy, though. In the 6 months we've been going out, he's become that center of my life.
School is one gigantic fucking trouble and strife. Sure, it's not as bad as it used to be, but its still hard to socialize. A 'for instance' perhaps? Girls that broadcast the fact that they're giving their boyfriends hand jobs. First off, how classy does that make you see:
"I play with my boyfriend's dick when he doesn't want to keep it in his pants."
And if they want to do it, I don't need to hear about it.
At least Craig never pushed me into anything I didn't want to do... and that's good. No regrets. My second problem with displaying the fact that you're jacking your boyfriend:.... wait, I covered it all with issue one. IT MAKES YOU SEEM LIKE A FUCKING WHORE!
I got out of my car this morning and saw 'the girls'. "The girls" is just the most polite way of describing them. If I didn't want to be polite, I'd call them 'whorebate'. You know the type: slutty cheerleader princess bitches... them. I dont' understand the complex that seems to run their lives. 80% bitch, 19% shopping, 1% common sense. I hope they're not why Craig has been different.

Hope you enjoyed it. For chapter three, I'm probably going back to Matt. It's a little funny that Christine has become my voice of social commentary, but I couldn't resist. I was talking with Christi McCarroll about how I pictured Zach would look like.
"I think Zach would look like (this guy)."
"You think he's cute, don't you?"
"Fuck you, Christi."

More to come later.

2 Bared their Soul | LoveXcore

[05 Apr 2005|08:37pm]

Ok, so I started writing something new. If you like it, I'll keep writing... if not, it gets scrapped. Check it out. Keep in mind: Perspective changes from chapter to chapter. Enjoy, my children.

Chapter 1: Matt Chitteden

I am an invisible man, you see... sure, I have all those nice things like flesh, bone, and blood; and some people even say I have a mind... but I am invisible simply because people refuse to see me. If it matters, my name is Matt Chitteden, but no one has seemed to care before. Damn, where are my graces? It's nice to meet you.
I do my best to just exist, but I have a couple issues:
Issue the first: I'm gay, and no one knows it. I'm not sure when I realised that, it must have been about 6th grade, which was when I met Zach. During my creative writing class, a new student walked in and changed my life. The teacher used the term 'new kid' to describe Zach for the entire rest of the year. Anyway, that day we were working in pairs, but remember : I'm invisible, so I was working alone. Zach, in good natured style, pulled up a chair next to me.
"Hi, I'm Zach Allisein," he said as his hair fell into his face. That happend a lot. Half-Arab, his hair took a curly shape, but his white half kept it uncontrollable. I didn't respond. All the years of isolation had left me inherently distrustful of anyone. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him looking at my paper.
"I'm assuming your name is Matt Chitteden?"
Though he horridly mispronounced it as Chyt-eh-dahn, his voice was still charming. Maybe he was worth trusting.
"Matt Chitteden (Chih-tay-den), nice to meet you."
He sat down; fishing for paper from his backpack. Dread flashed through my mind as I saw the teacher approach.
"New kid, this is the assignment. Chitteden, help him."
She mispronounced my name too, as she slammed the paper to Zach's desk. Zach's complexion reddened suddenly as his eyes met mine. Had I caught him looking? Anyway, that was four years ago, and we have become good friends since.
Issue the second: no one knows I'm gay. My parents couldn't handle it; my friends might drop on me; you know, the people that choose to see me. I just don't think I'm ready for the issues that would arise out of coming out at this moment in time.
Issue the third: I have the crush of the century on Zach Allisein. I don't know how he feels. He's never had a girlfriend, but that's not necessarily an indication. He could have his pick of any girl in the school... he just didn't use that ability. Maybe it was his athletic dedication. He loves soccer, plays for the team, and when he's not playing with the team, we play.
Our free time spent together is clearly his favorite, but he had a lot of fun on the team too. He tried to get me to try out, but I refused. Sure, I was good, if not great, but 'invisible man' would never get to play. Everyone seems to be out to get me. Eventually Zach got part of his way, and I became team manager; which was a shitty job, but it had decent perks: getting out of school for games, some small recognition, and best of all: locker room access... HOT!
Life has become somewhat better in High School. Falling between the societal cracks is a lot easier than in Middle and Elementary. Zach enjoys all the perks of being the amazing soccer star, and I get run-off glory, which was good enough for me. As time passed from the first time we met, he just got hotter and hotter. Sixth grade, he was just skinny, twiggish even. By tenth grade, he was full blown sex-god. He was muscular, but not hulking, skinny, but not tiny; green eyes and brown hair, long legs, and just a good looking face.
Wonderful; once again I've forgotten my graces; you don't even know about me. I stand about 6 feet tall, darkish blond hair, and brown eyes. I'm fairly well built, but I'm scrawny just due to a lack of real athletic participation.
Sometimes life is a gigantic bitch; I dont' know what makes me say that, though. Maybe its my failure with Zach... yes; that's it. At times I've come pretty close, though:
Earlier this year, we both got just a little bit drunk at a party, then we went to his house for the rest of the night. Helping eachother to his room, we both kept tripping, but eventually we made it, falling through his doorway to the ground.
"Damn, that was a nice party," he said, looking at me while laying on his side.
"How would you know? You barely drank."
"Shut up!"
We both heaved ourselves up off the floor, our lips brushed on the way up. Zach seemed to not notice, and we went to bed. When I woke up the next morning, we were in eachother's arms. I had to convince myself that the whole thing was just a random fluke. I'd just like an answer, its not that hard.
So far, that's the closest that Zach and I had ever gotten physically apart from the furtive and maybe not so furtive glances in the locker room after soccer practices.

Chapter 2: Christine Chitteden

Dear God, my brother is such a fricken dweeb. 16 years old, and never had a girlfriend, and, ugh, he just has some annoying quality. Sometimes I feel sorry for him though... just never got a fair shake in his life. Mom has a saying: It'll be worse in hell... well, maybe this is hell; I know Matt would agree with me.
My boyfriend has been way too distant lately. I'm starting to worry, and I think about why he's so strange toward me lately. Craig is a great guy though. In the 6 months we've been going out, he's become the center of my life.

2 Bared their Soul | LoveXcore

Heartbroken [22 Mar 2005|10:12am]

One more slice until you've hit that vein
One again you never fail to hurt me
And all i wanted was to hold you close
But instead you watch and smile as you slit my throat
One more salty tear
One more time, that you arent here
I was never good enough
No matter how hard I tired
But hopefully out of it all you're happy
Cause thats all I ever wanted you to be....
Is happy.........

[15 Feb 2005|07:30pm]


Hello again... I hate how this auto-double spaces everything, but you'll get the idea.

Sanctus City Episodes 3-5Collapse )

Hopefully you enjoyed it, the last episode was better than the first two in my opinion... for clarification: Greg Averet and Sarah McMillan are half-siblings, sharing the same mother, but different fathers... and somebody is Averet's daughter, but you figure that out later.




[14 Feb 2005|06:06pm]

the shortcut to closing a door is to bury yourself in the details.
this is how we must look to god.
as if everything is just fine.

- Lullaby - Chuck Palahniuk
1 Bared their Soul | LoveXcore

I'm in to impart insanity [04 Feb 2005|11:29pm]


Name: Daniel
Age: 16
Gender: male
Favorite Bands: none of the deep stuff you all like; Linkin Park, everything classical piano, etc.
Favorite Color: hunter green/metallic blue
What you most likely will post here: I'm writing a story, and probably some crappy teenage poetry, lol..
Anything else you wanna say: I enjoy reading, and drinking coffee. I play piano. I also enjoy watching movies. I play a lot of pool, and I have deep dark secrets; the likes of which would rot your mind if you were to discover. I'm also insane about punctuation and grammar.

A little sample of my writing (Chapters 1 & 2 from the first season of Sanctus City)

Don't read it if you can't handle what basically equates to softcore porn in words:

Read more...Collapse ) </p>

Yeah, it needs a lot of polishing, but whatev. Have a nice day,


3 Bared their Soul | LoveXcore

[09 Jan 2005|12:32pm]

hello..is it normal to feel like dying? i dont know what to do with myself anymore..The people i hurt are the ones who care and are always there for me..how ironic right..or is that ironic, i was never good at english..come to think of it im not realy good at anything..So im sorry for everything..I FEEL SO EMOFUCKISH..oh well life goes on right? and everything will be perfect in the end im guessing?! bye bye i love you guys
6 Bared their Soul | LoveXcore

[09 Jan 2005|12:32pm]

hello..is it normal to feel like dying? i dont know what to do with myself anymore..The people i hurt are the ones who care and are always there for me..how ironic right..or is that ironic, i was never good at english..come to think of it im not realy good at anything..So im sorry for everything..I FEEL SO EMOFUCKISH..oh well life goes on right? and everything will be perfect in the end im guessing?! bye bye i love you guys

[08 Jan 2005|08:50pm]

[ mood | bored ]

3 phrases i wrote-

Begging for you is like falling apart. I try my hardest to say i have deep concern but the tide will wash us away. You failed to argue and I failed to validate the facts. I miss you already but youve ran off to become something worse then a disaster.

and we danced the night away and broke the towns silence with our laughter after we painted the pavement red.

Please don’t forget me I never meant to throw the letter away. I wrote you everyday and in return I felt like someone listened but then you walked out on me and my stability crashed. We watched the stars dance around the sky and you held my hand and told me one last goodbye.

enjoy. <3.

2 Bared their Soul | LoveXcore

hard to the core by Fast Times [07 Jan 2005|12:03am]

boy came up to me one day when he was 8 years old and said
"Daddy, i wanna race with the real men" and i said
"Boy, you ain't even a man yet" and he said
"Daddy, you weren't a man yet at one time either." and i said
"Boy, at least wait til you're 16 to make this decision you're gonna make." and he said
"Daddy, I don't need to wait til im 16, I'm 8 years old and i'm ready to race with the real men."
And this is how it went

Boy came up to me and said
"Daddy I love you and i want to spend the rest of my life with you" and I said (Daddy's boy)
"Boy are you gay?" and he said (Daddy's boy)
"Boy, i mean daddy, no, i ain't gay, im just you're son and..i love you, i love you daddy." (Daddy's boy)

He was 18 and he was in college, 4 years later he graduated with his masters degree and he called me and he said
"Daddy, i wanna know what I do after college" and then he said
"Boy, I don't know, i never made it that far." and he said
"Daddy, come on help me, i need it." and he and i said
"Boy...go get married" and he said
"No daddy, I don't think another woman in my life do this." and I said
"You're right, I got caught cheating 3 times." and he said
"Daddy, I won't ever make the mistakes like you." and I said
"Boy, shut up." and he said
"Daddy, I'm coming home." and I said
"Hell no."
He caught the next train over, and now he's here.

"Boy, get the Hell out of my house" and he said
"No Daddy, i want to stay with you." and I said (Daddy's boy)
"No! Get out! now, now!" and he said (Daddy's boy)
"No Daddy, I want to stay" (Daddy's boy)
"I said no" (Daddy's boy)

So I finally gave in and said
"Boy, alright you can stay, but you have to pay me rent." and he said
"Alright Daddy, anything to live my life with the father I love." and he said
"Shut the Hell up." and he said
"Daddy, I wanna give you a hug." and I said
"Get the Hell away from me." and he said
"I love you Daddy."

And then, 3 days later, I shot myself.
1 Bared their Soul | LoveXcore

[03 Jan 2005|05:52pm]

this is lame but ill post it in here:

i cant stop myself from drowning in this pool,
weights tied to my legs,
pulling to the bottom,
can i manage a way to cut loose of this force?
i try,
but nothing seems to work.

it was off the top of my head, so laugh, haha
1 Bared their Soul | LoveXcore

[02 Jan 2005|09:30pm]

i know most people are getting tired of me quoting, and talking about fight club, but i dont care. i love the book and the movie, so here is yet another quote.

what Tyler had created was the shadow of a giant hand. only now the fingers were nosferatu-logan and the thub was too short, but he said how at exactly four-thirty the hand was perfect. the giant shadow hand was perfect for one minute, and for one pefect minute Tyler had sat in the palm of a perfection he'd created himself.
You wake up, and you're nowhere
One minute was enough, Tyler said, a person had to work hard for it, but a minute of perfection was worth the effort. A moment was the most you could ever expect from perfection.
2 Bared their Soul | LoveXcore

[02 Jan 2005|03:13pm]

"But I thought you loved him?"
"Not as much as he loves me..."

the killer chords spoken. homocide through feelings. falacy with love blows.
1 Bared their Soul | LoveXcore

[02 Jan 2005|12:35am]

"Do you remember me?"

"Uh...I'm sorry, but I don't."


sad, short stories for people with sad, short lives.

[01 Jan 2005|08:50pm]

[ mood | bored ]

i guess i'll post a poem too, b/c i said that's what i'd do right? =P


Is falling unnoticed
Into the sea
No one helps him
He drowns, not unlike me

Is overrated, complicated
Wings of wax
Melt in the sun
My confidence an uncanny reflection

Are consuming, wanting
Here I cringe
Urge to throw up
This acid inside my head

Is paranoia. Losing
Your mind slowly
Scared of transparent shadows
Doubt is the soul’s drug

Are you there?
I double over
Spilling out clear liquid
Poison is so easily disguised

Is suffocating water
Wings pulling me down
To lie with Icarus
In a sea of pain

eh it's not my best but it was the first one i saw. rip it apart if you want.

4 Bared their Soul | LoveXcore

[01 Jan 2005|03:09pm]

i want to find a teenager who knows that there's more to life than their own problems which they created themselves in order to find themselves.
there's so much more to us. at least

i hope.
15 Bared their Soul | LoveXcore

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]